Address the Mess – God’s Plan for Sexual Brokenness

In recent months, we’ve heard a lot about the “Me Too” movement. And to be honest, I’ve honestly LOVED the national conversation. After all, its the first time in years that our culture has started talking about America’s out of control rape-culture.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s actually quite irritating and disheartening when a  topic like this becomes highjacked by politics such as in the Kavanaugh hearings. Yet, despite this, it’s still important that we “Address the Mess” when it comes to our sexual brokenness. After all,  rape, porn, sex trafficking, and pedofilia are all experiencing record highs in the U.S.

For example, did you know that according to the Center for Disease Control, in 2012, at least 18.3% of American women have been raped. That’s almost 1 out of 5 Women! And a UNICEF study proved that rape is not only skyrocketing in America but all over the world. There’s an unprecedented 120 million girls who’ve been sexually abused or raped before age twenty.[i] (As reported by Mike Embley, BBC World News, interviewing Susan Bissell – Global Head of UNICEF; September 4th, 2014).

Just think about the PAIN of that stat. Of course, many of you know, rape stats tend to increase in direct proportion to porn sales. In fact, 20% of ALL internet porn comes from under-aged trafficked children.

And I get it: It’s hard to talk about some of this; All of us have sexual brokenness. Yet, God’s plan isn’t to oppress us but set us free. So, the question remains: How do we deal with it? Thankfully, we serve a God of redemption. Our church is filled with people from every imaginable background who’ve been restored to a lifestyle of joy. Indeed, repentance is actually a joyful process – the gateway to “refreshment” (Acts 3:19).

Unfortunately, for many people, they struggle with deep shame. Many people feel like they’re the only person who’s dealing with their issue. Perhaps you shared your struggle with someone, only to feel further pain and rejection? God wants you to know: You’re not alone. And he’s got plenty of extra grace and power to help you experience a totally new life.

But here’s the purpose of this blog: After diving into our marriage and sexuality series: Too Many Shades of Grey, the staff and I received an amazing number of awesome questions (which we love, by the way). Of course, there’s no way we could even begin to answer these questions; thus, I decided to write a quick blog outlining a variety of resources for the various questions and demographics that are seeking advice. I.e., Treat this page as a “table of contents” of random Bible and research advice.

  •  What to Do If You Are Addicted to Porn or Lust – What does porn addiction look like? How does the cycle of addiction get started? And what are some things we can do to break the cycle? What are some books I can read that are specific to men or women? Where can I go for professional help? .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . Click Here:  BreakPornAddiction2018

 

  • General Questions on Sex – What are some books we could read about sex (from a Christian perspective)? Are there specific books for newlyweds? What are some general books to take my marriage to a new level?  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  . FixMeBlog-GeneralQuesOnSex

 

  •  How to “Date without Dying” – Last year, I did a 3 part dating blog for all the single people in our church. Obviously, it’s filled with tongue-in-cheek humor. But, you’ll definitely find a few insights, linked [here].

 

 

 

November 11, 2018 /  

The Traffic Light of Influence

Many years ago, I found myself in what felt like an impossible leadership situation. Almost ALL of my problems came down to one insecure leader, and, if I can be honest, it made me really want to quit. It seemed like I did everything I could to solve it, and nothing was working. So, one day, I was whining to God about it, and I felt like He told me to write up a list of ways I could approach this person & this situation. And out of that list came a servanthood strategy: model the change I wanted to see in this person. Through this strategy, I came up with a list of 17 ways I could influence this seemingly hopeless situation. This list is called The Traffic Light of Influence.

You see, there are three categories for these 17 options: red, yellow, and green- just like a stoplight. The green category is filled with inspirational ways to influence. Yellow has crisis modes of influence, and red has collateral (aka non-influential) modes of influence.

The reason this is profound and significant is because we live in a culture that automatically turns to “red light” forms of influence as its default. Rather than the red being the last resort, it is the starting point. And inevitably, we end up transmitting pain rather than transforming it, and antagonizing rather than influencing!

We all gravitate towards one or two modes of influence in our lives, and the devil exploits these modes and makes us feel hopeless. But, if we can praise through our pain and look for purpose through our pain, we can change our mode of influence. God’s not done with us yet!

October 14, 2018 /  1

How to Get Your Kids to Fall in Love with the Church

If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been traveling a bit more lately. From Canada to London to Pittsburgh to Orlando…the last few weeks have been a bit crazy. So, one of the more common questions I’ve been asked is this: “How do you parent your kids with such a crazy schedule?”
Well, keep in mind, when our kids were little, we simply couldn’t travel as much. And when we DID travel, it was definitely “Mommy & Daddy time.” (See the blog on “Surviving Young Kids” here)
But now that our kids can help us actually assist us in DOING ministry, it’s really getting fun.
For example, two weeks ago, I dragged my son to Experience Church in Calgary. Of course, he was thrilled about the idea of going into their kids ministry to learn how they did it. Then, this last week, I dragged my daughters to England.  Substance Variant (our DJ worship band) was debuting our first music video at NewDay festival – and if you haven’t seen it, click here).

But I was so proud of my daughter Lijah (@lijahhaas on Insta). She got up and did a complicated DJ routine in front of 7000+ of her

NewDay Festival Main Stage

peers – which honestly took a LOT of guts. And after I preached, she took the stage with Substance Variant and gave these Brits a bit of the Substance experience. And after I shared the story about my other daughter, True’s vision of Historic Wesley, many people kept coming up to her for prayer (@truehaas). And it was delightful to watch her shower people with kindness.

Looking back on these last few weeks, the highlight wasn’t speaking and performing to a giant sea of people; rather, it was doing it alongside people I love. It was watching my loved ones serve God’s people with their gifts. And watching God bless them in return.
But I’ve noticed that a lot of people never experience this joy unless they painstakingly prioritize parenting and church involvement over the never-ending opportunities that are marketed at us. And what do I mean by this?
For starters, I’ve always made sure my kids had a ministry at church. Did they always like it? No. Like most kids, they complained… a LOT. There were seasons where they didn’t know where they fit. They struggled with friends. And it took hundreds of conversations…explaining the need for Christian friends and servanthood. They needed to wrestle with the value of putting Gods Kingdom first. And yes, even when our kids ministry got truly amazing, they still complained about getting up.
In some ways, much of parenting is simply having the energy to stand firm when your kids whine. And when they get older, this can require a bit more artful negotiating. But once they owned the church for themselves, they’re now walking in a whole new level of blessings. They don’t need me to convince them anymore.
But as another tip, I’ve always tried to have a few hobbies in common with each of my kids. And yes, many times, those common interests were strange and awkward for me to acquire. Our common interests have constantly changed and evolved – from Minecraft to YouTube shows to now, writing music and DJ-ing.
But the important part is that we’re logging hours, wrestling with values, and having fun together.
Research shows that “quantity of time spent with your kids” is THE SINGLE greatest predictor of child outcomes. Yet, we live in a world that’s constantly pressuring us to drown our children in a long list of extracurriculars –  sports, academics, arts… basically “good things” that often crowd out the the single greatest thing your child needs most: YOU.
Don’t allow good to become the enemy of great. Any activity that decreases your child’s interaction with you is likely something that needs to be seriously scrutinized.
So here’s how to think about it: If life was a juggling act, and each ball represented a different aspect of your life… careers, friends, & opportunities are like rubber balls. If you drop them, they always bounce back.
And although your kids, your marriage & your health FEEL like they bounce back as well, over time, you find that they’re ACTUALLY a lot more like glass… when you drop them, they chip, they crack, and some even shatter. And many parents don’t realize this until it’s too late.
But how do we prevent this?
Just be intentional to put your marriage, your kids, & your personal walk with God first. Time and intentionality change everything.
But to get practical: if you were to do one thing (in a valued relationship) that would make 60% of the difference, what would it be?
Write out your thoughts. Be as detailed as you can.
But, let me tell you, the joy and delight from investing in relationships is ALWAYS greater than money, opportunities or professional success.
So don’t waste your life learning this the hard way. Amen?
August 3, 2018 /  

The Power of Multiple Baptisms: Exciting Questions & Answers

Many people don’t realize that the New Testament teaches numerous types of baptisms. And as a result, they miss out on many of the supernatural opportunities that God intends us to experience. So, this last weekend, I gave a message on this (And if you missed “Elementary Part 3”, click here).

But, in that message, I promised to post some of my other messages that go into far more details… For example, have you ever wondered: If people die without baptism, will they go to hell? Can a person be baptized and still not experience resurrection power? Well, if you’re curious, click here for the video message.

And my real motive behind all of this? Well, church wide baptisms are coming up on August 29th! (And you can register at www.Substancechurch.com)

Pastors Drew & Erikka Sheep baptize people at Substance Downtown

Every year, we get to hear some amazing testimonies. So, invite your friends to this powerful service. It’s always one of the highlights of the year.

Last but not least, I recently taught on the “Baptism of the Holy Spirit.” And I know there are probably more questions about it. So, a while back I wrote a free book called the Skeptics Guide to Tongues and Prophecy on the 40 biggest questions I’ve been asked about the Holy Spirit. So, if you’re interested, click: Skeptics Guide To Tongues & Prophecy for a free pdf copy!

And why? Well, on the first Wednesday of this Sept 2018, we’re going to be praying for people to be filled with the Holy Spirit. Many of you know that we’re rebooting our midweek services (formerly called “Deeper” for a newer format that will fit our whole church better).

For years, I’ve wanted to make our midweek prayer and worship a bigger deal here at Substance. But, the lack of child-care & competing needs of our youth ministry always seemed to cut our attendance in half. So, starting this September, we believe that we’re going to have an experience that changes ALL of this. Our “First Wednesday” services will finally be a service for all demographics – teens are welcome / child-care is provided. And we’re believing that these services will be the highlight of the month for our church communities.

So join us for an unforgettable night of teachings – with prayer and worship that goes deeper than we could normally do on a Sunday.

 

July 28, 2018 /  

How to Survive Young Kids – a Marriage tip that can change everything


Being a parent with young kids can be one of the most chaotic seasons of life. And if that’s you right now, don’t give up! It only gets better (IF you don’t kill them or force them into orangized crime).

My wife & I complicated our lives by planting Substance Church while having 3 kids under the age of 5 – which felt a lot like spraining your ankle…& then deciding to run a marathon to inspire people…

Needless to say, we lived at poverty level for the first 5 years of the church. But, through this time, we learned a little wisdom about how to keep our marriage strong with young kids! So, if you feel overwhelmed, read on!

The day is coming when your kid won’t need diapers. Even better, the day is coming when they’ll be able to buckle themselves into their own car seats and they’ll go to school ALL DAY LONG! And someday, they’ll even do the dishes with a good attitude (Well, let’s not get carried away here); but, my point is this: If you can survive the temporary chaos of young kids, you’re going to have a lot of fun ahead of you! (In fact, I’m writing this on an airplane to London, WITH my two daughters – who are helping me minister to 7000 young people in the UK).

Unfortunately, a lot of marriages won’t survive to experience these types of joys. Don’t get me wrong: Most couples don’t get divorced when there are young kids in the mix; but, I guarantee you, the initial cracks (that eventually crumble a marriage) almost always happen DURING this phase and are often overlooked due to the busyness of the season.

So, how can a couple reinvigorate their marriage amidst this chaos? Well, here’s one simple suggestion:

Vacation Apart from your Kids! The moment I suggest this to some couples, they erupt with excuses: “But you don’t understand my kids!” Or, “I can’t find babysitters.” Or, “you don’t understand our finances.” And unfortunately, I’ve watched the same excuses fracture marriages over and over and over again.

Yes, there is a time to travel WITH your kids. When they become teenagers, you’ll want to log as many hours with your teens as possible. (In fact, when they become teens, you’ll want to plan special vacations with EACH of your kids just to create great moments and have great convos). But, until they’re teens, here are a few things to avoid:

(1). Get Rid of this “Stay-cation” Silliness:

99% of the people who do “stay-cations” have lame-cations. Rather than exploring the world and dreaming with their spouses (which is what you did when you dated), many couples settle into “home improvement ruts.” Are they working on their marriages? Of course not, because they’re stuck in what I call, “The Co-Management Rut.” Many couples stop relating to each other as lovers and co-adventurers. Instead, they become “Co-managers of the household.” And the majority of their communication becomes hijacked by this singular role. Not surprisingly, the adultery rates for folks in this rut is quite high. So, allow me to explain why vacations can change your marriage.

Every time my wife and I place ourselves in a new location, it causes us to have conversations we normally wouldn’t have. A new context often gives birth to new dreams – or at the very least, it gives many of your old dreams the chance to reawaken. Almost every vacation we take together, it forces us to reevaluate our priorities, to realign our dreams, and enter back into our lives with newfound vision. Couples who lack this tend to feel like, instead of “living their lives,” their lives are “living them.”
Unfortunately, many people resolve their pent up middle-aged stress or grieving processes through rash decisions – having affairs, quitting dream-jobs, and making pre-mature moves. So, a good vacation isn’t merely self-indulgent; it’s a chance to reinvigorate your marriage and fill your soul with God’s greater vision for your life.

(2). Drive a Cruddy Car & Trust God for Cheap Vacations:

My wife and I drove junker cars until we were 30… And then we started upgrading to “used.” (Heck, last month, at 43 years old, we just got rid of our rusty old minivan with missing hubcaps – and we bought our first “brand new sofa”). And why did we wait so long to have these experiences? Is it because we have no concept of nice things? No! It’s because we’ve always prioritized date nights and vacations apart from our kids. We made the decision to collect “experiences more than possessions”… Don’t get me wrong: It’s ok to drive nice cars. But my point is this: spend FAR more time “dreaming together than acquiring together.”

Even more, we constantly pray for free vacation opportunities, and God always seems to show up. (We literally have a never-ending list of miracles related to this!!) Even more, there are a lot of young families in our church who would happily take your kids for a few days (especially if they knew you would return the favor).

(3). Teach your kids to become Independent:

There’s a lot of research showing that “over nurturing” or over-attached parents tend to produce unhealthy kids (for citations, see below). As one parenting researcher put it, “Kids need to learn how to ‘soothe themselves.’” Parents who don’t allow their kids to cry, or who are afraid to force their kids to go to “non-parental caretakers” tend to produce kids with lower self-regulation and negotiating skills. A large regression analysis study on parenting even put “child-independence” as one of the top 10 most significant statistical predictors of healthy kids. I.e., If you love your kids, you’ll force them to go through the trauma of “dropping them off.” To put it simply, child centered homes produce off centered marriages.

As a parent, it’s hard to endure the whining of your kids (& unfortunately, that doesn’t necessarily stop as they get older). I remember when I was a little kid, I would guilt the heck out of my parents when they’d drop me off at a day-care now and again. But, it’s safe to say: Your kids NEED you to leave them back with other caregivers now and again. And more than this, YOU need this too.

This same study ranked the “overall peacefulness of the parents” as well as the “strength of the marriage” as the second and third highest statistical predictors of child-outcomes – which shows, the greatest things that affect your kids are often “indirect things”… how well you manage yourself & your marriage. I.e., Personal health issues have a strange way of spilling over into your children. You’ve got to teach them that your marriage and relationship with God are first… even if that means enduring a few tantrums as you drop them off.

One thing is for sure: 25 years ago, when my wife and I first started dating, we had big dreams. And we were thrilled to conqueror those dreams together. When kids came along, we never allowed them to highjack our relationship or our dreams. Sure, it took a while for us to find cheap vacations (not to mention, babysitters who could handle our 3 feisty kids); but we didn’t stay stuck in excuses. And now, our kids are a complement to our marriage, not a compromise of our marriage. Indeed, one of the greatest joys of my life is watching my kids pursue these adventures with us.
Let it be the same for you!

For Further Discussion:
Ask Yourself: Are there any dynamic Christian families who are a season of life ahead of you? What kinds of vacations are they taking? What insights can you learn from them?
Vacationing is an art form… There are “Sabbath Vacations” (vacations where it’s all about rest); “Family Vacations” (vacations where it’s all about compromise in order to bond with family and have new parenting moments); and “Prayer Retreats” (vacations where you connect with God, journal, and receive God’s vision for your life). Tension occurs when we unrealistically attempt to merge all three into one. So, how have other families of similar size and ages dealt with these complex and often competing goals?

Citation:   1 “What Makes a Good Parent? – A scientific analysis ranks the 10 most effective child-rearing practices. Surprisingly, some don’t even involve the kids” Robert Epstein | Oct 28, 2010 http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-makes-a-good-parent/
More Science » November / December 2010

July 24, 2018 /  

3 Ways to Increase Your Hunger for the Bible

This last Sunday, I admitted that, years ago, I had a major struggle trying to get into my Bible (And if you missed that message, click here). But, thankfully, over the years, I’ve gotten better at feeding myself. And I’d love to share a few secrets with you.

Of course, it’s especially important to learn how to read our Bibles during busy seasons. So, if you’re busy… don’t sweat it. That’s a perfect time to practice the discipline! And I’m with you. There’s been a lot of amazing things happening around Substance.

Two weeks ago, we released a new music video for Substance Input/Output (our worship band); then, last week, we recorded an acoustic album (for those of you who like soaker-worship); And in the coming week, Variant (our dj/rap band) is performing north of London for 7000 young people.

So, recently, a friend of mine asked: “How in the world do you find time to read your Bible and write sermons?”

Well, keep in mind: I’ve been planning for this busy seasons for months. In fact, I wrote many of these blogs and messages months ago. But, if I’m not careful, even a veteran like me can struggle with Bible reading when things get too hectic. So allow me to teach you an ALL-important principle, and it’s this:

Your desire for God’s Word tends to increase in direct proportion to the margin in your life!

When we’re busy, ALL of our closest relationships often suffer, including our relationship with God. So, what do we do to guard against this? Allow me to give you 3 More Principles that can be the difference makers when it comes to your desire for God’s word:

(1). Force Feed yourself: Whenever I’ve gotten the flu and yacked my guts out for a for a while, the last thing I want to do is eat food. Yet, there’s a point when, eating again is the best thing for you. After forcing a little soup down, against all prevailing moods, you suddenly develop an appetite again. And the same works with God’s word.
As my friend John Bevere says: “We all hunger for that which we feed on.” Or, as I’ve often said: Feelings always seem to follow our focus. If we focus on a certain tv show, we get addicted. Whether your focus is on a crush, a certain social media site or even a style of music, your emotions will inevitably flame up in that direction. (That’s why some people have the weirdest hobbies). And the same is true for God’s Word. “Where your treasure is, there your heart follows” (Mt. 6:20). So treasure it by simply reading for 10 minutes a day. Over time, you’re going to have a difficult time limiting yourself to ten.

(2). Find Friends who Really Love God’s Word: There was a study on exercise – on why some people are motivated to do it and why others are not. The study revealed an interesting ingredient for motivation. People who had friends (who exercised with them) were 37% more likely to exercise regularly and love it. I.e., Motivation has a huge “social component” to it. Those of us who socially surround ourselves with people with a passion for our same interest will likely find more motivation to follow through. Thus, who are the people who LOVE the Bible around you? What are you doing to get around these people? Over the years, my wife has taught me a lot about reading my Bible. She’s always passionate about it. And she always has a book of the Bible that she thinks I should read next.

But, my point is this, by simply being around her, I catch her passions and ideas quite contagiously. So, find people like this at your church. And finally…

(3). Read past the “Habit Threshold” – Research shows that the average habit takes about 66.5 days to form.* I.e., If you do something for about 10 weeks in a row, your desire for Bible reading will spring up all on its own. For example, over the years, I’ve helped thousands of men overcome porn addiction and other sexual attractions; I usually have them get daily accountability until they achieve 3-6 months of sobriety. Once they log 6 months, its much easier for themselves to experience the “neurological overhaul” of their desires. And pretty soon, resisting temptation is quite easy for them.

Unfortunately, I’ve also known a lot of people to quit or get cynical in those critical first months; and, like with any inconsistent discipline, they’re tempted to believe the lie: “Perhaps I’m just not ‘cut out’ for this type of lifestyle.”

No! Shake off your fatalism. You are a new creation in Christ!

Besides, “God is at work within you; helping you want to obey him; helping you to do what he wants” (Php 2:13)!

I also doesn’t hurt to get some advice on what you should be reading. Some people tend to want to read books that are way above their skill level. But, I would aim for consistency first. I know that you’re dying to read about the four horsemen of the Apocalypse. But, if you’re a beginner, start with short books like James, 1st or 2nd Peter – Or narrative books like Luke or Acts. My 12 year old son is reading through the book of Acts with me right now and then we’re watching the new tv series A.D. – Kingdom and Empire together on Netflix (which is the Hollywood recap of the same book). Also, if you’ve never read the Old Testament, try 1st Samuel. And when you’re ready for the big picture, read Genesis and Exodus a few times. It only takes about 3 hours for Genesis & 2 hours for Exodus. The more you read them, the better they get!

But heres the deal: every addiction starts somewhere. Even 10 minutes a day will cruise you through the entire Bible every 18 months. And the benefits are crazy: “You will be like a tree planted by streams of water, who yields its fruit in season; who’s leaf does not wither; whatever he does prospers!” (Psalm 1). Let this be said of YOU.

“Heavenly Father, help us to know you more. I pray that you’d give me the desire to read your Words. In Jesus’ name” Amen?

Citations…

* A psychologist by the name of Phillipa Lally of the University College London says that habit formation takes a lot longer than most people think.  She required 96 test subjects to repeat a new behavior for over twelve weeks (According to her research published in the European Journal of Social Psychology – Oct, 2010)

July 15, 2018 /  2

Before Promotion, comes Devotion – Story Behind “Surgical Love”

Doesn’t it sometimes feel like everyone is on a faster track than ourselves? In a social media age, it often feels like everyone is having a good time but you; however, remember: You’re looking at everyone’s highlight reel; not their behind-the-scenes. But often times, there’s something else going on.

This last week, Substance Input/Output, released a brand new live worship video for the song “Surgical Love.” As the song has gotten more popular, I’ve had a lot of people ask me, “What motivated the metaphor?” After all, “surgical” isn’t exactly a popular adjective for God’s love. (And if you haven’t seen the new video, click here). I actually wrote the song in a season of my life when I was feeling particularly discontent. And perhaps you can relate.

As many of you know, I’m an obsessive song writer. I’ve written a new song almost every week for the last 20 years (which is a lot of songs). For years I longed to be able to publish my music on a grand scale. But, despite my best efforts, nothing was happening. Of course, there are always people to whom success seems to come easily. During that same season, I watched a lot of lame and inexperienced songwriters get huge opportunities – opportunities I was longing for – yet these rookies only logged a small fraction of the time. At times, it almost felt unjust.

So, one particular day, I started whining at God about it. And out of nowhere, God impressed on my heart a rebuke that I’ll never forget. It wasn’t an audible voice. But it went something like this:

“Peter, your skills at songwriting aren’t the issue whatsoever. It’s your character. If I gave you the opportunities you’re pining for, they’d would destroy you in a matter of years. So, focus on the character worthy of these opportunities, and, I will open more doors in a single year than a normal talented person could strive for in a lifetime.”

Whoa there.
Could that really be my problem?

Looking back, my focus was on ALL the wrong things. My prayer life was fixated on ALL the wrong areas.

So, how can you know if YOU have a similar problem that’s sabotaging your dreams? Well, simply look at your prayers! If your prayer life is obsessed with circumstantial things like – opportunities / jobs or people (who you think are restricting your opportunities) – there’s a good chance your heart is out of sync with God.

Don’t misunderstand me: God doesn’t ever want you to EARN his love. Your character matters not because God will love you more but because it gives you the ability to handle more blessings without the temptation of worshipping those blessings.

Besides, here’s the heavy truth: “the sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods.” Psm 16:4. When we obsess over circumstantial happiness, it’s often a sign that we are finding our joy in the wrong things. Essentially, it’s idolatry in its most basic form. At the end of the day, “[Your] soul finds rest in God alone.” Psm 62:1. Quite simply: God loves us too much to answer our prayers when we’re not ready for such things.

As I wrote in my newest book, Broken Escalators, “Pray less for Promotion; Pray more for Promotability.” ie. Character is always a bigger issue than resources and opportunities. And that’s why I wrote the song “Surgical Love.” God already knows our dreams and already longs to accelerate them, too. “[God] knows what we need even before we ask” (Mt. 6:8). Like an athlete who needs surgery to get back in the game, God sees the flaws in our lives that will prevent us from reaching our potential. His love is “surgical.”

But how to we sign up for this surgery on our souls? Well, like most surgeries, we need to allow another individual to inflict a necessary pain on us; and we need to allow people to bench us until the proper time, ie. commit our lives to Godly mentors for an inconvenient amount of time.

You see, we all like to imagine ourselves to be teachable. But as my friend Matt Keller says: “Teachability is the ability to relearn that which we already know.” Or to put it another way, teachability is the ability to go through the counter-intuitive humiliation of submitting to someone else’s coaching and process.

“But I know things!” you exclaim! “And my leaders don’t always see what I see!” Perhaps so. But talent isn’t a rare commodity to God. The world is filled with brilliant and talented people who live in denial of character blind spots and demonic idealism that is constantly undercutting their potential. So, if we really want to put ourselves onto the fast track of God’s Promotion, allow your Godly mentors to over-ride your instincts for a significant period of time.

In fact, I am convinced that much of my success came because I stayed plugged in to a singular church for around 10 years. You see, longevity creates intimacy. And intimacy reveals blind spots. And when mentors confront us, we either run to another person or church (& start the intimacy process all over); or, we trust God to forge us and promote us at the proper time.

“But what if my authorities are wrong?” Well, the Biblical pattern is that God will supernaturally convict them, remove them, and/or supernaturally work it out for our benefit. When God teaches us to honor and submit to mentors, it’s not because those leaders are honorable or smart. It’s because of what honor and submission does in us. And God always pays us back when people hurt us. In the end: “No one from the east or the west or from the desert can exalt themselves. It is God who judges: He brings one down, he exalts another” Psalm 75:6.

Dishonor, job shopping & church hopping usually only slow things down.

Thus I wrote the lyric, “there is only one plan for me… It’s the one that leads to you. And if it starts with suffering, let it be my joy.”

Surrender to God’s surgical love. Let him speak to you through the painful submission of mentoring. And Promotion will stalk you the rest of your life.

Ps. I think it’s important to say, our very own Pastor Nick Foulks wrote the rap lyrics, which I also used for the title of this blog. So, just to give credit where it’s due : )

And once again, here’s a link to the video! If you like it, share it!!!

July 7, 2018 /  

3 Facts You Probably Didn’t Know About Suicide and how to Prevent It

Like many people, it’s been hard for me to process all of the celebrity suicides of late. First it was Robin Williams, then Chester Bennington of the band Linkin Park. Then it was Prince (who was initially thought to have simply overdosed [1]; then it was Avicii – one of the wealthiest electronic dance music producers in history. Then it was designer Kate Spade. And now today, celebrity chef and travel show personality, Anthony Bourdain.

Of course, both Avicci and Bourdain hit home for me. For years, I’ve told people: “I’m a senior pastor who secretly wants to be both Avicii and Bourdain.” In fact, my wife has easily heard me say that over a hundred times. Honestly, much of our Variant concert this week was inspired by Avicii. And with all the documentaries we’re working on, I’ve constantly told people: Watch Bourdain and you’ll see what I’m aiming at.

So, as you’d imagine, this month has really caused me to pause.

But, honestly, I’m actually quite disturbed by the way our country is processing suicide. As the web buzzes with questionable tributes and simplistic remedies, I can’t help but feel like it’s time we get a bit smarter about all of this.

In fact, here are 3 things you probably didn’t know about suicide – and they just might change how you process these sad events.

(1). Celebrity Suicides generally Boost the Suicide Rate Significantly – After Robin Williams committed suicide, researchers noted a strange and dramatic boost in suicides. Over the four months following, an additional 500/month (2000 additional deaths) were recorded above the average [2]. And sadly this is a well-documented phenomenon called “copy-cat” suicides [3]. Quite simply, when celebrities kill themselves, hundreds and even thousands follow suit – especially those who are demographically similar to the celebrities who’ve killed themselves.[4] But why? Why would celebrity suicides dramatically increase deaths a thousand-fold rather than prevent them?

Some theorize it’s because, pop-culture tends to celebrate and enshrine their suicidal icons. When a celebrity commits suicide, global media will erupt with love, with compassion, with romantic looking tributes. And to a person who’s struggling with depression, the idea of being celebrated like this can sound appealing.

However, I can totally understand why celebrities like Val Kilmer went on a long angry rant about Anthony Bourdain being selfish today [5]. Because, not only will Bourdain’s actions boost suicides globally, but, it will cause his family to spend the rest of their lives sorting through guilt and shame.

And how do I know? Because my wife found her father’s body after he committed suicide one night.

For years, my wife second guessed herself: “Why did I confront my Dad the week before? …Why didn’t I ask better questions?” In many ways, suicide causes the survivors to struggle with an endless list of emotions ranging from rejection to shame. As my wife has often told me: “I never knew what shame was until my Dad killed himself. You walk around with a feeling like you’re toxic and dysfunctional.”

But my point is this: Maybe Val Kilmer is right. Perhaps our well-intentioned tributes are sending all the wrong messages… and perhaps we’re inadvertently covering over the selfish and abusive consequences it has on the people who survive this.

“Yeah, but Peter… it’s not like suicidal people can help it. After all, they’re ill.” And Yes. I agree to a certain extent – especially when you’re talking about teenagers and war veterans. As you’ll see in fact #3, there are complicated physiological factors that increase the risk.

But I’m also still convinced, Suicide is always a choice, not a necessity: “No temptation has overtaken you [including suicide] except that which is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” 1 Cor. 10:13 – In other words, there’s always a way of escape.

But what’s the way of escape? Well, for starters…

(2). People who Attend church are Significantly less likely to be Clinically Depressed and Commit suicide:
People who attend church regularly are 22% less likely to be clinically depressed [6]. At first, researchers thought: “Perhaps church provides supportive relationships?” – which it does; however, researchers found that church attendees have significantly lower risks of suicide than people who merely have great supportive friends. Quite simply, there’s something unique about church attendance. In fact, as I mentioned in my book Broken Escalators, people who serve in a weekly ministry at their local church rate themselves 7x’s happier than Christians who merely attend church or simply listen to podcasts.

But here’s the deal… Most people have never even been to a life-giving church. And even for people who have, when people struggle with depression, they often don’t even have the strength to make healthy decisions. So, they need to be relentlessly invited back into life.

So for those of you who don’t struggle with this, I encourage you: Constantly invite people into fellowship. Don’t take church attendance lightly.  And consider, what if you need to be at church to help someone who is hurting?

But lets be honest: for many people, there’s something deeper going on in their physical bodies that needs to be addressed – which leads to fact number three:

(3). Chemical imbalances have a Huge Effect on the Odds of Suicide: And how I know? Because I have one. Several years ago, I went through a terrible depression. Part of it was because, the church seemed to be going backwards for many years. Another part of it was because, I was having massive struggles with undiagnosed rheumatoid arthritis. Over time, I seemed to be slowly losing my ability to physically talk, swallow, and move my fingers. And despite spending 10’s of thousands of dollars on doctors and remedies — nothing was working. I literally spent several months questioning if I was even able to pastor anymore. It felt like every dream I ever had was dying.

Don’t get me wrong, I had gone through seasons where I had been depressed for 3 or 4 straight months; but, through vigorous meditation and fellowship, I was able to navigate it. However, I had never gone 3 straight years like that – where you struggle with crazy thoughts.

After watching the impact of suicide on my wife’s family, I vowed to never make that decision. But, amidst the chronic pain, I felt hopeless. And, I’m embarrassed to say that I literally prayed that God would take my life in some creative way for the better half of a month.

Aren’t you glad God doesn’t answer all of our prayers?

Looking back, it sounds extreme but, I’m just being honest. The constant pain was causing me to struggle with all sorts of weird thoughts that seemed impossible to uproot.

Of course, throughout that season, I was rushed to the hospital twice (thinking I was having a heart-attack); and, after the third time, a doctor put me on an anti-depressant thinking that I was probably struggling with physiological panic attacks induced by adrenaline stress and depression.

“Depression” I laughed?! “Doctor, I am not depressed!” And I started ranting about how I have amazing friends. “I even see a counsellor on a regular basis.” But then my doctor said something that set me free:

“Peter, you might not be depressed according to your definition; but, I’m purely talking about clinical depression. I’m simply saying that, some people’s bodies have a harder time producing or harnessing endorphins, serotonin and dopamine. And often, it has nothing to do with your lifestyle. It’s pure genetics.
And it’s a common problem in people who have anxiety attacks – which is what you’re probably having. Would you please just try it for a couple months?”

[Sigh]

Of course, he told me: “It may take 6 weeks to work. But for some people, they feel a serotonin and/or dopamine boost immediately.” And sure enough, within 2 days of starting the medication, it was DRAMATIC! (like ALL CAPS!)… I vividly remember waking up to a strong dopamine rush – almost like I had an immediate 35% boost in sunshiny happy feelings.

At first I thought: “There’s no way that the anti-depressant could be working that fast! Surely, that’s the placebo effect – it’s my mind tricking me.” But, looking back, it’s quite clear that the medication was working; because, the side-effects kicked in at the exact same time (which, I’ll spare you those details haha : ) But, it suffices to say that, I was totally blown away by the difference it made!

I kept thinking: “Is this how everyone else feels all the time? Have I literally been missing this feeling for all these years?” In some ways, I almost felt stupid that I had gone so many decades without considering these life-changing medications before. And today, it’s almost weird for me to think about how dark my thoughts were during those years.

And here’s the deal: Medications are not the solutions for everyone. Sometimes, the problem is demonic… and no amount of anti-depressants is going to change it.

For example, in Mark chapter 9, we read about a suicidal boy who nobody could cure. Of course, when Jesus showed up, he cast out a demon and suddenly, everything was changed. And perhaps that’s why church attendees have a unique statistical resilience to depression.

You see, sometimes, it’s chemical; sometimes, it’s life-decisions; sometimes, it’s drugs, lust, and other destructive forms of self-medicating…But, keep in mind, there is a clear spiritual component to all this as well. The devil [a.k.a., the thief] comes to “steal, kill and destroy” (John 10:10), but Jesus says, “I have come that you might have life to the fullest.”

Now, keep in mind, I’m not trying to give simplistic formulas for depression. There’s a lot that’s contributing to this epidemic. But, we’ve got to fight this rash of suicides using something more than silly social media tributes and pithy one-liners telling people to reach out. We need the presence & wisdom of God. And we need friends who know how to drag us into the presence and wisdom of God when we don’t have the strength to do it ourselves.

But one thing is for sure: “God is our refuge and strength; an ever-present help in times of trouble” (Psm.46:1). Whether you struggle with depression or are a survivor of someone who has, don’t battle alone. Your best days are yet to come.

By the way, if you need help, please call the Lighthouse Network hotline  (844) 543-3242.

Also, for anyone wanting to privately reach out for yourself or on behalf of a loved one, my friend David Hoskins runs Honey Lake Clinic the largest, most highly accredited Christian Psychiatric Treatment Center in America. You can call him directly at (954) 536-9539‬.

Citations:

[1] I realize some people say that Prince didn’t commit suicide; but, his toxicology report makes it close to impossible that a person could have accidentally taken that much fentanyl. (see: http://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/ct-prince-toxicology-report-20180326-story.html) Either way, it’s impossible to argue against the fact that he was depressed & using dangerous drugs to medicate – http://hollywoodlife.com/2016/06/22/prince-suicide-note-found-death-fentanyl-overdose/ – Ultimately, I realize that people want to protect his legacy; yet, when we live in denial of why he’s not with us, we certain aren’t helping those who are also struggling with similar situations.

[2] http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0191405

[3] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26766949

[4] https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26766949

[5] https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/anthony-bourdain-dead-suicide-val-kilmer-selfish-facebook-post-a8390381.html

[6] Researchers at the University of Saskatchewan found that the incidence of clinical depression was 22% lower among those who attended religious services at least once a month compared with those who never attend.

 

June 8, 2018 /  2

A Miracle from our Big Snow Day – A Reminder that God Truly Cares

A few years back, Minneapolis churches had one of those awful years when there were seven different snowstorms that happened directly on Sunday or the night before. Church cancellation strategies became a devastating weekly conversation. Not surprisingly, the snow almost killed our church financially because online giving hadn’t started yet. And most of our members were both new to the Lord as well as emotional givers – if they missed a week, they certainly wouldn’t make up for it the next week. And when we had to spend tens of thousands each week on portable facilities (even if we never used them), a snow day could easily equal a layoff. But it was the spiritual implications that bothered me most.

Cancelling church is like closing a hospital; we’re cancelling people’s emergency surgery. We’re stopping a thousand doctor appointments from happening – it equals death, pain, and prolonged confusion. When you see the stats every week of how many ppl make decisions to follow Christ each weekend, it’ll make you think twice before cancelling a church event. So when I saw the weather report last Saturday that we were in for a record-setting snowstorm (in April no less), I just groaned: “Why God!? Not THIS weekend.”

Part of my dismay was because this last weekend was supposed to be the big launch of our electronic-dance-music outreach, Substance Variant. Two months back, a simple Sunday promo vaulted our music video (for the song “Hanging”) to nearly 50,000 views. So, we were hoping this Sunday would do the same for Variant.

To make matters worse, I was scheduled to fly out to Birmingham AL – unveiling Variant to around 4000 pastors. Yet, with all the cancelled flights, I wasn’t even sure if the team and I would make it – which would be a total disaster.

So, once again I thought: “God! Why can’t the snow come on Monday – when everyone would LOVE it? …well, kind-of love it.”

And as I share this, I’m sure you’ve had similar days. You expected to take giant steps closer to your dreams; yet, with every hour, your life seemed to be sliding backwards into a snowstorm of discouragement. And in moments like those, it sometimes becomes hard to believe that God is truly watching out for us.

But Why?

Quite simply: Faith is like a leaky fuel tank. It constantly needs refilling. And if your soul isn’t regularly exposed to God’s Word, it’s just hard to think straight. And especially so in busy seasons! The input of God’s word must always be greater than the output of our demands. When we don’t have a consistent lifestyle of church attendance, devotions and connect groups, (rituals designed to increase our awareness of God’s Word), we simply don’t have enough spiritual input to match the output. And that was me last Saturday as I was getting hundreds of crisis texts about the snow.

So after getting into a dumb fight with my wife I finally realized, it’s time for a reset. I went upstarts, grabbed my Bible, and opened up to Psalm 105:19 which says,

‘Until the time came to fulfill Joseph’s dreams, the Lord tested his character.”

The Good News is this: Just like Joseph, there IS a moment when God plans on fulfilling our dreams.

The Not-So-Encouraging News is this: God’s timeline might be different than yours. And none of that is going to happen until we weather a few tests – most of which are related to our input/ouput issues.

As I laid on my bed staring at the ceiling, I kept rolling the verse over and over in my heart. And every time I repeated it, it was as if my spirit was converting my head knowledge into heart knowledge. Meditation is what causes truth to convert into spiritual fuel. And I can’t say that I was magically transformed into a new man. After all, I knew that the coming days would be tough. However, I chilled out enough to where I knew: God’s got my back.

Sure, cancelling church is a disaster. Sure, my entire Variant release might be botched. Sure, my flight to Birmingham might turn into a 3-day fiasco. And yet, I just knew in my heart, God is working a plan. And if I could just take a breath, God would remind me how brilliant he is. And that he did.

Instead of church services at our campuses, we pushed out a last-minute Facebook live service – we asked our members to log-on at 10am and I’d preach a short message. When all was said and done, just shy of 14,000 people logged on to be a part of it! That’s crazy! Especially when we announced it only hours earlier. We’ve never had a single sermon crest that mark in a day. And now, it’s already jumped by another 5000! Even more, people were extremely generous with online giving. And our salvation-text-line was buzzing like crazy.

As if this wasn’t enough, Substance Variant climbed all the way up to number 8 on the mainstream iTunes Electronic charts. And despite record-long-lines and cancellations at our airport, we managed to get to Alabama this week after all.

But what does this mean for YOU, and your current struggles?

Well, God knows better than us! He knew that thousands more people would happily log-on for a novelty service than would’ve actually shown up at our campuses that Sunday. In the end, his plan to push out Variant was better than mine.

Quite often, when we ask God for things, we add way too many constraints and conditions. And God is thinking: “Loved Ones! If only you’d simply go with the flow, I’ll turn things around in a way that’s better than you would ever imagine.” You see, if we can simply surrender to God and stay full of faith, faithfulness (aka., faith-filled-ness) will naturally flow.

Christians never have to strive for faithfulness. We simply strive for faith, and faithfulness naturally flows. As Jesus put it: “The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent” (John 6:29).

And how do we do this? Simply pray, “not my will but yours be done.” And allow meditation to fill your heart with spiritual fuel. Because, remember: There is a perfect time for your dreams (Psalm 105:19). And soon, the winter of your life, will give way to a spiritual Spring.

April 17, 2018 /  

Get Ready for Substance Variant – Turntable Ready Worship

It has finally arrived! Be sure to download our free electronic dance music project called SubstanceVariant!

Ever since the launch of our congregational worship band Substance Input / Output (or I/O for short) there’s been a buzz around here. Our recent I/O music video literally had over 50,000 views within a week of releasing it on Facebook. And if you haven’t seen it yet, click here. But beyond I/O, we feel called to create music that goes way beyond the scope and constraints of congregational worship.

So, we are jumping out of our skin to announce the launch of another band – led entirely by turntablists, rappers, and controllerism DJs, called Substance Variant. Using video walls cued by turntables and midi controllers, we’re singing a “new song.” And Substance Variant’s first album is now available for FREE on our website Apr 13th (or streaming on Spotify, Apple Music, Google Play etc for subscription fee). Yet despite  being free, we were amazed that our new album climbed all the way to #8 on the mainstream electronic dance iTunes charts (which only counts the people who paid for it). So, it’s clear to us: It’s time to take Variant to a new level.

Variant performed to 4000 leaders at ARC Birmingham Apr 2018

As many of you know, this project has been in the works for a LONG TIME. I actually gave my life to Christ in a nightclub while working as an electronic dance music turntablist – (aka EDM dj). And ever since then, I’ve always had a heart to reclaim club culture and the dance music that made me come alive.

Every night, in every major city, there are tens of thousands of young people who line up outside of nightclubs to have a subpar “worship experience” with a rap artist or EDM DJ. In many ways, nightclubs are the single biggest competitor to the modern mega church; yet churches are still quite clueless when it comes to this global tribe of young people.

Even though rap, EDM, and R & B have completely dominated both record sales and concert revenue for 17 stinking long years, most “contemporary worship” churches do not even have a single rap or EDM oriented song in their repertoire. To make matters worse, there is a massive gaping hole in all of Christian music when it comes to upbeat, happy, and danceable songs. (Just ask any worship pastor: they’re always looking for a “non-cheesy fast song”). But why?

Well, let’s be honest: Congregational worship definitely caters to long-term Christians – and understandably so.

Sunday morning is the intersection of theology and methodology, not to mention the needs of multiple target audiences. The mystical folks in our churches want one type of worship. The people who pay the bills and invite their older friends want another. Still others see worship music through the filter of race and ethnicity – i.e., your music tells people who is truly welcome there (and who’s not). And by the time a song goes through all of these filters, quite often, it just results in an artistic mess. It’s light-years away from the music that’s consumed by mainstream folks. In some ways, congregational worship is often plagued by the proverbial “Too many cooks in the kitchen” – when everyone tosses in their favorite ingredient, the stew becomes a strange flavor that no one truly likes! And I haven’t even begun to mention the “unchurched filter.”

DJ Kirk hyping the crowd

So, when it came to our worship projects, I finally told our team: “Rather than getting lost in a never ending debate about target audiences, let’s be a both/and type of church!” So, from here on out, Substance’s two major bands will focus their efforts like this:

I/O is congregational worship; and Variant is evangelistic. I/O will write music that’s easier to reproduce in churches. Variant will write music that’s easier to reproduce in clubs. Or, as I told my friend recently, “even though the majority of Variant songs are worship, they’re still not even meant to be sung in a church service.” And why? For starters, no one wants to walk into a dance party at 8am on Sunday morning – even if they like dance music. And although Substance (with our thousands of newly church young folks) might be able to pull off certain Variant songs on Sunday morning, most churches would look downright silly if they tried them. But, that’s not the point of Variant ANYWAY.

And that’s why we have two different brands: There’s a time for I/O. But there’s also a time for a Spirit-filled dance party (See 2 Sam 6).

So get ready: On June 13th 2018, Substance Variant is doing a live album release party at Substance Northtown Campus. And we are also filming 4 music videos to show people what DJ-led worship can look like! And for you Substance I/O fans, we have 3 new singles releasing this Fall – along with a few new music videos too). But, whether we’re writing music for the church or your unchurched clubbing neighbor, we still only have one mission: to build Christ’s church. Not everyone is going to like EDM, rap, or turntables. But to hundreds of millions of young people around the world, those three words could easily unlock their souls for eternity. Make sense?

Thousands gathered at the ARC after-party. A sign of things to come?

April 7, 2018 /  3