The Conspiracy of Pumpkin Spice Lattes – and 5 Other Things I Love About Fall
(A Perennial Repost…by popular demand)
There are Six Things I love about the Fall…
(1). The Pretense of loving Hot Apple Cider & Pumpkin Spice Lattes: Do we actually like these drinks? Heck no. That’s why we only tolerate them once a year. Imagine if you had a friend and you could only stand to see them once a year (& for brief period of time). Can you really call them a “friend?” Don’t get me wrong: I love having awkward food traditions. What would Thanksgiving be like if your grandma didn’t cook her horrifying butternut squash? The truth is: your Grandma hates her own butternut squash. But we all comfort ourselves with rituals – painful though they might be. So be a good soldier and order a pumpkin spice latte.
(2). Football: Part of the reason we love football is because, if we ate nachos and pigs-in-a-blanket on a normal Sunday afternoon, it would be considered gluttony. But there’s something about watching people “work-out” that enables the rest of us to treat ourselves to a entire bowl of buffalo wings. As to the 3rd thing I love about Fall…
(3). I Love Provoking Jealousy in all my Friends who Live in Southern Locations: Here’s Why: Come February, all of us Minnesotans will be hating our lives. Our southern friends mock us by constantly texting us their summer-like temps. So, we pre-emptively store up self-esteem by posting a million romantic hay-ride pics on facebook. Do we actually like jumping in leaf piles filled with sharp sticks? No. Do we like taking dirty hay rides with dust mites the size of Alaskan king crabs? No. But, just like squirrels store up nuts, we too must store up the jealousy of our southern friends. Its gives us something to feed off of during Winter – lest we feel stupid for living up north.
(4). Deer-hunting: I’ve never actually shot anything before. But deer-hunting season gives us a reason to purchase an AK-47 without a whole lot of questions. Deep down, we’ve all got an inner “doomsday prepper” that needs to be nurtured. And deer-hunting season gives us a socially acceptable facade that enables us to shop & build that secret doomsday compound – er, I meant to say “deer stand.” Keep in mind, however, when you buy a hundred pounds of dried yams so you can “have something to eat in the deer stand,” it looks suspicious. So be subtle about it. As for the 5th thing I love about Fall…
(5). The Word “Foliage:” Every Fall, I try to utilize the words “foliage” or “cornucopia” on an hourly basis. Saying these words, while drinking a pumpkin spice latte, is what the pilgrims fought and died for. And think about it: If you were walking down the street in early summer and said: “Check out that dude’s foliage,” …it simply doesn’t sound right. But in the Fall, it might even make you look thoughtful, perhaps pensive.
(6). The Fall at Substance: Last, but not least, I love the Fall at our church. I love seeing all of our college students return. I love seeing all of our long-time cabin-folks get saved, again. But this year, I love it because, we’re doing some incredible Fall outreaches!
On November 1st we have around 1000 people launching our Downtown Minneapolis campus!
And as if that wasn’t enough, we’re also launching our new humor book, “Broken Escalators” this Oct! (www.brokenescalators.com)
As you may know by now, I love being sarcastic; but I also love spiritual growth. So why not merge the two into a delightful book on Happiness and Promotion (two things that everyone wants to accelerate). This weekend at Substance, we’re launching the teaching series off of the book. But the book technically doesn’t release nationally until Oct 13th (at Substance, you can get in on Sunday Oct 11th! : ) The GOOD NEWS is that, for those who pre-order, I’m giving away a bunch of incredible freebies… but only for 2 more weeks!
So, here are a few free things you can get if you pre-order before Oct 13th – my Amazon best seller: “Pharisectomy” for FREE as an ebook. You’ll also get my hilarious new “Mini-book” called “Church in SPACE!” AND a free Pumpkin Spice Latte! (not really the Latte though…); HOWEVER, pre-orders will ALSO get free access to my brand new mini-film-talk: “Curators & Connectivity: The Essential Mentors Everyone Needs to Succeed.”
And, if you’re a leader who preorders 6 or more… you’ll get free access to an entire small-group film series based on the book (10 films!). I filmed the coolest videos to complement the book + a small group guide + everything that I previous mentioned : ) It’s like an avalanche of Peter Haas : ) Hopefully you’ll survive!
In the meantime, grab a hot-apple-cider (or not) and let’s enjoy life together.
P.s. Check out the foliage at our University of Northwestern campus. It’s awesome.